Atlanta Baha'i Regional Conference: By The Numbers

4,000+ - number of conference attendees
357 - number of miles driven over the two-day conference
20 - number of B-clusters soon to be A-clusters by Ridvan 2009
5 - number of Core Activities I have personally pledged to do/assist with
1 - my first time on MARTA (Metro Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority) -- train
0 - number of pictures taken with my camera :-(

The conference was uplifting and encouraging. It was great to see so many old and new friends together under one "roof".

TNBS

We are leaving for the Tennessee Baha'i Summer School this evening and through the Labour Day weekend. We will be back in Blue Ridge on Monday.

The TNBS is held in Monteagle, TN, about 2.5 hours away from us.

With the whole family coming down with a cold (Ethan's second in less than 3 weeks) this trip may just test our endurance. But we are excited to be going, and to meet some friends there. Already I have been in contact with another family, the Doosts (Omid and Jennifer Doost) who live in Cherokee (?) about 30 minutes from us (woo hoo!) with their three children. They also have regular children's classes in their home that Ethan may be able to participate. They are held on Friday mornings, so this will be challenging but doable if we get a nanny.

This Day Four Years Ago

... I defended my PhD dissertation




Has it really been that long ago?

I always remember the day since it falls on the eve of the celebration of the declaration of The Bab.

Happy Celebration to ALL!!

Anika M. James Memorial Garden

From one garden to the next, we attended the opening of the Anika M. James Memorial Garden, which was held this afternoon behind the Baha'i Center in Durham. The garden was a project inspired by Anika herself, carried out in her memory by the vibrant junior youth of our community. Several of Anika's friends were in attendance today, some offering words of remembrance, prayers, songs and dance.

The official cutting of the ribbon was done by Bob (Robert), Anika's dad, and tearful mom, Mahtaj, was not far away. Today also marks Anika's birthday, and she would have been 16. It also falls during these days of Ridvan -- an important and most holy time of the year for Baha'is.

The garden itself was just beautifully done. Located behind (in the "backyard") the Durham Baha'i Center, where once it was just brush and overgrowth, is now a well-designed (courtesy of O'Mara Landscaping -- James O'Mara is a local Baha'i and professional landscape architect) and simple garden with beautiful stone work and a garden bench and sign that reads "In Memory of Anika James, Our Dear Friend".

Still clearly very sad and broken hearted, Anika's parents thanked the many friends and community members who have offered services in Anika's name, finances for the garden project, and much, much more. All of this work done in honour of Anika, will surely aid in the progress of her soul, and in healing the hearts of all who loved her.



[a pregnant Kelly, and Anika, at Fariba and Payam's wedding, summer 2006]

Ridvan

HAPPY RIDVAN!!!

Ridvan (Riz-wan) is a twelve day festival in the Bahá'í Faith, commemorating the commencement of Bahá'u'lláh´s prophethood. It begins at sunset on April 20th and continues until sunset, May 2nd. On the first (April 21st), ninth (April 29th) and twelfth days of Riḍván (May 2nd), work and schooling is suspended.

"Riḍván" means paradise, and is named for the Garden of Ridván, outside Baghdad where Bahá'u'lláh stayed for twelve days after the Ottoman Empire exiled him from Baghdad and before commencing His journey to Constantinople.

It is the most holy Bahá'í festival, and is also referred to as the "Most Great Festival" and the "King of Festivals".

Of Equality And Stuff

Today has been pretty mellow. Ethan started us off bright and early at around 7am, though the weather was anything but sunny. Heavy rains started last night around midnight, and continued throughout the day today. We went to the Baha'i Center for the Sunday program, and today's topic was "Beyond Legal Reforms: Culture and Capacity in the Eradication of Violence Against Women and Girls". The turnout was pretty good, and the topic is something we can all relate, man or woman. The take home message was essentially, that we all have a role to play to ensure violence against the female gender stops. We can, in our daily lives, empower the women in our lives, give them encouragement, speak out against crimes or violence we hear of, teach others of the equality of women and men and the nobility of humankind, etc.. A very appropriate topic for study and reflection I thought for this day in age. Then, we went back home for lunch, and Krishelle and Jessica came over to hang out. The rains picked up, and as I write this sentence it is absolutely monsooning. Reflection has been a common theme for today. Right, time to watch "The Devil Wears Prada" (which Krishelle brought over with her along with some other DVDs).

HAPPY NAW-RUZ!

Today is the LAST day of the Fast!!! Woo hoo!! At sunset tonight, when the fast officially ends, celebration will be in full force. The family's going to a Naw Ruz (new year) party at the Raddison Hotel. Dinner and dancing will be on the agenda. And if this year's party is anything like previous years, the dress will be pretty formal/cocktail. Should be fun to get all jazzed and just have fun with friends one evening! I can't believe I made it through the fast being home all day with Ethan. Appropriately enough, Ethan and I are listening to the song "Try and Try Again" by Red Grammer... doo doo doo... doo doo doo...


And a HAPPY NAW RUZ to everyone!!!

Naw Ruz, the Baha'i and Persian New Year, always takes place after sunset of the 20th of March, and March 21st being the first day of the new year and coinciding with the start of Spring.

'Fast' Approaching

Today is the last day of Ayyam-i-Ha (sunset Feb 25th - sunset Mar 1st): a time when Baha'is prepare for the upcoming month of Fasting, give gifts to family and loved ones, and celebrate with friends and do acts of charity and service. This year has been a little overwhelming during this time, and so our family's Ayyam-i-Ha activities have been a bit limited. Last night, Kelly and I made Sholezard (a yellow-colored Persian rice pudding which contains sugar, saffron, cardamon, almonds, rose water and garnished with cinammon and pistachios) which we hope to deliver to 8 neighbors/households/families in our street who have been very loving and thoughtful and provided meals and gifts for Ethan when we he was born.

We don't do a whole lot in our own neighborhood - as a family unit that is (myself I do some) - and with us moving this summer it only felt right to give thanks and celebrate this year's Ayyam-i-Ha by giving back to these lovely souls.

We also wrote cards describing a little what this time of the year means to Baha'is (similar to what I wrote in the first paragraph of this blog entry).

Having said that, the Fast starts tomorrow! And every year, I feel the month of Fasting approaches faster and faster (pardon the pun.. and pun) or that I am less prepared year after year. So much for preparation for the Fast during Ayyam-i-Ha, eh?

This mean, tonight, I must go to Sam's and buy my usual breakfast itmes: sausage links, egg, milk, yoghurt, and that's probably all. A good healthy breakfast - or at the very least a hearty one - is the only way to get through the daylight hours (sunrise to sunset) without eating OR DRINKING. Undoubtedly, as is the case for me, I forget out of habit that I am fasting and do at times slip and sip some water. Usually this happens in the first day or two of fasting. My body adapts fairly quickly thereafter.

It doesn't help however that I am falling sick with a cold (as of a couple nights ago, but last night was the worst). Nevertheless, there are several exceptions (or exemptions??) to the Baha'i Fast. You do not fast if you are: a pregnant/nursing woman, under the age of 15 (age of 'maturity'), sick, travelling long distances (9 hours or longer?), etc.. etc..

Baha'i "months" are 19 days long (and there are 19 of them during one year), totalling 361 days, plus the 4 (or 5 during leap year) for Ayyam-i-Ha makes up the full calendar days. So, the month of Fasting starts sunrise on March 2nd and ends sunset on March 20th.

March 21st is Naw Ruz (or nawrooz) which is the Persian/Baha'i New Year - coinciding with the start of Spring!

So HAPPY FASTING everyone!

Love to all.
Max

The Cottens

[dinner at Fariba & Payam's on 12/25]

Tonight was Glen and Isik's final 19-day Feast at the Durham Baha'i Center. The entire Durham Baha'i family's going to totally miss you guys! We wish you both safe travels and many adventures in Turkey! Don't come back (WE'LL COME TO YOU)! :-D Ah yes, I can already see us making a trip of it, and perhaps making it a round trip by also going to Haifa, Israel, to visit Kelly's parents and a 3-day pilgrimage to visit the Holy Shrines.

Remember to follow up on Ethan's progress through this blog, and I will be sure to keep in touch with you also. Let me know if your emails change at all.

Many things have changed in our community, but one thing I will never forget (when our time comes to move as well in July '07) is how, without fail, every third (or so) Saturday of every month, you can bet half the town were at "Glen and Isik's Brunch and Devotions".

WE LOVE YOU!

Family Traditions

[L-R: Sufern, Adeline, Kelly, Ethan, Max and Mom]

Every family has 'em. Well, most do. And recently, although Kelly and I have talked about this very topic before, I was really thinking about what our budding family can do, while Ethan is very young, that will be repeated year after year in establishing our own family traditions.

Here are but a few of the ideas we hope to implement as our family grows:

(1) Ayyam-i-Ha Service Project

During the time of Ayyam-i-Ha (aka Intercalary Days), February 26th - March 1st, our family will offer our services to the greater community. Some examples of what our family can do include: volunteering at an elderly home, helping to clean up a local park, organizing an outing for underpriveleged children in the area, offering virtues classes for neighborhood children, help spread cheer at local homeless shelters, fundraise for certain charities and causes, etc... Moreover, I hope to make more of Ayyam-i-Ha including making our home more festive with decorations, children's activities, gift giving, and joyous celebration. For Baha'is, this time of the year preceeds the fasting month of Ala (Loftiness) which occurs March 2nd until March 20th every year, with March 21st being Naw Ruz (New Year) coinciding with the beginning of Spring.

(2) Home-made Birthday Cake

Pretty self explanatory. For every birthday in our family, we will try and bake a cake from scratch.

(3) Daily Baha'i Prayers and Readings

Rather than a tradition, it is a Baha'i obligation to pray at least once in a day and also to read the Creative Word in the morn and in the eve. Of course, not every Baha'i does this, and it really just comes down to personal initiative. So, I would like to make this a daily practice with our Ethan and family.

Do you have any long-standing family traditions you would like to recommend/share?

Reflection Gathering

Once again, a job well done to the Area Teaching Committee for putting together a wonderfully uplifting yet focused Reflection Gathering. Amani was completely in his element as MC of the day's program, and the Institute Coordinators (Becky, Rus and James) were just hillariously joyous and a bit nutty, but clearly got the message across, that indeed, with all the human resources at our disposal, we truly form a web of support for one another! :-D Well done, and VERY creative you guys!

And the Triangle Baha'i community welcomed its newest Auxilliary Board Member, Mrs. Betsy Ayankoya! If the first speech of your tenure that you gave tonight is any indication, Betsy, you will be a source of inspiration and guidance to us all. Welcome, and keep it up! :-D

A very special dedication was made to our existing Auxilliary Board Member, Mrs. Barbara Sheridan, for all of her tireless acts of service over the past 5 years. The Triangle Baha'i community has gone from 'floundering' and 'thrashing' (all the while in the 'learning mode' of course) to making some baby steps and dare I say 'growth spurts' all the while learning and growing under her leadership. You are simply awesome, Barbara, and a very dear friend to everyone here.

And mom met up with a familiar face in Mark Perry and met his wife, our very own Azadeh (aka Ozy) Perry, and of course we snapped a keepsake.

Just remember: fellowship, fellowship, love, love, unity.

Homeplace Visit

This morning, Ethan, Kelly, Grandma and I went to visit Ms. Black and Mr. Hill (two of our beloved, precious, elderly Baha'is in our community) at Homeplace Assisted Living. We also ran into Anyema who was dressed in a very colourful clown attire, spreading cheer to all the residents at Homeplace. We showed Ms. Black our wedding albums (after nearly two years of saying we would do so!) and she also go to see and hold Ethan. Mr. Hill was thrilled to hold Ethan as well, and we will also be visiting Mrs. Hill at Pettigrew Home shortly so she can meet the little bundle.



Ethan was clearly the youngest "little human" in the building, and he drew a lot of attention, and cheered many souls. :-D

Now off to the Reflections Gathering at the Durham Baha'i Center.

The Secret Of Divine Civilization

Today, the Duke Baha'i Club met at The Marketplace on Duke's East Campus to start a weekly deepening. The group decided our first book to tackle this semester, since it is already so late in the school term, will be the compact "The Secret Of Divine Civilization" by 'Abdu'l-Baha. Haley, Shawheen, Leigh-Ann, Ryo and I took turns reading and discussing passages from the first few pages we managed to get through.

I was particularly keen on getting out of the house for a couple hours, and this "book club" was just a perfect way of spending a Sunday afternoon doing something intellectual - a good escape for a mind yearning for a few hours removed from baby babbling and singing. Plus, I have not seen many friends (other than the ones who drop by the house to see us) and I was eager to meet up with the young, hip, but all too stressed, Duke students.

A passage we read really struck me and got me thinking:

"We should continually be establishing new bases for human happiness and creating and promoting new instrumentalities toward this end."

What 'new instrumentalities' will bring about human happiness?

The passage continues:

"How excellent, how honorable is man if he arises to fulfil his responsibilities; how wretched and contemptible, if he shuts his eyes to the welfare of society and wastes his precious life in pursuing his own selfish interests and personal advantages."

Most I know would agree with that statement, yet most would just as quickly point out how current standards set by society almost encourage this type of selfish promotion, or are hardenned by the effects such behaviour (societal norm) imparts.

OK, lastly, and this book (so far as we've read) is filled with such strongly worded statements:

"And this is man's uttermost wretchedness: that he should live inert, apathetic, dull, involved only with his own base appetites. When he is thus, he has his being in the deepest ignorance and savagery, sinking lower than the brute beasts."

"... They are like the brutes: Yea, they go more astray ..."

So that of course gets me thinking about my life, and my contribution to society, and how one's profession, career, skill, craft play a significant role.

I have a lot of personal searching to do...

Hardscrabble Plantation

A huge THANK YOU goes out to Drs. Virginia and William Kraus for organizing tonight's dinner reception for the Duke Baha'i Club. Held at the ultra-swank Hardscrabble Plantation clubhouse, Duke Baha'i students, faculty, staff and their families and friends enjoyed a wonderful spread of wholesome salads, wraps and enormous cookies.

Faculty and parents of Duke students, some of whom were themselves Duke students, reminisced of their days at the neo-gothic Durham campus (and the cheap tuition of those good ol' days) and offered great wisdom and shared many stories to the fledglings now currently enrolled in studies at Duke.




Dr. Greg Samsa was particularly amusing and warmed the hearts of everyone when he shared his love and embrace for the fascinating (not his word of choice) field of... statistics. Anyone interested in speaking to Dr. Samsa about stats, he will be sure to refer you to a colleague and friend, Dr. Robert James, a psychologist. :-)







I was personally impressed at the caliber of the young students and their ambitions. International governance. Middle Eastern studies. Public policy. Law. Arabic studies. And just how well-travelled they all are these days. (or was this just a product of Duke culture and training?)









Well the evening was great. It was very nice to have most of the Baha'i students at Duke in one place together. It rarely happens, but hopefully this will be a start, at the very least, of an annual gathering.

Spiritual Eye For The Soul Guy

Looking through Adeline's blog I was curious to see what the link to soultease was all about. The creators of this brand describe their idea as "the realization of a contemporary Baha'i identity". Pretty cool stuff actually. And I am only really blogging about it since, not long ago, Amani (my then housemate) went to a Baha'i conference in Maryland (or Washington, DC??) and bought me this green T-shirt. And to my surprise, this logo is a soultease creation! Wicked! Check out the site.

Oh, and the creators, Haydar Barnes and Samandar Khelgati, coined the phrase used for the title to this blog entry.

OK, time to get out of this shirt. It is crumpled because I found it at the bottom of the hamper. Phew! Don't inhale. I only put it on just now for the logo.

Thanks, super trendy, Amani! :-)

Sympathy Weight

[Kure Beach, North Carolina, 2004]

I think I may have put on some weight. (a collective "no, really?" from the family in the background... gee thanks!) This picture was taken over two years ago, when Kelly and I were still dating, and I probably weighed around 165 lbs. The belly was still in check. Barely. Some have six-packs, I had (have) a one-pack. :-)

But ever since Kelly was pregnant with Ethan, I have put on even more weight. Some call the weight gained by the partner of a pregnant woman "sympathy weight" - a way of saying to your (pregnant) partner, "look, I'm getting bigger too".

Well, nearly 5 weeks since Ethan was born, Kelly has already lost upwards of 20 lbs. And she is going to lose more since the natural physiological reaction of the body to breast-feeding is such. (plus Kelly does not eat nearly as much as I do).

So can I ask some sympathy weight from others now? Probably not. I am probably on my own here, huh? Kelly's dad is even resorting to making me "Chinese Tea" to help me lose weight :-) Thanks, Dad. Appreciate it!

So just how heavy am I? Not anything ginormous by any means. I weigh in, at my heaviest, at a hearty 178 lbs. Being only 5 foot 8 inches tall (on a good day :-p ) this means my BMI (body mass index) is 25.8 (I think) - making me "overweight". (BMI >30 is considered obese).

Kelly attributes my weight gain to three main things: (1) portion size, (2) food choices and (3) empty calories from juices/sweet drinks. I would be first to agree to those, but also tack on a (4) decrease in physical activity.

With the holiday season yet ahead, I would only be setting myself up for disappointment by pledging to reduce food intake. (it's hard enough to just drink water than flavoured liquid of sorts). Hopefully, I can start with slowly curbing my juice intake, and work my way to portion size and food choices, all the while increasing my physical activities again.

I went for a run this afternoon to get the ball rolling. Not a great day for a run. It was so chilly that my face, ears, throat, and lungs were just aching from the cold air. Never an easy task to get going with a personal plan to change one's lifestyle. I will keep this up hopefully.

And perhaps, with the Baha'i month of Fasting (fast) approaching - ok that was cheesy - I will make more headway in my attempts to tackle (1) and (2).

Baha'is fast from March 2nd to the 20th (19 days in total), where we abstain from food and drink between daylight hours (between sunrise and sunset each day). March 21st marks the begining of the New Year (Naw Ruz) and also coincides with the start of Spring.

Boys Night In

Kelly and Mom went to the Durham Intercommunity Baha'i Center for the birthday of The Bab celebration. So, for the first time, it was just me and Ethan, dad and son, at home, without the women.

I can say we did just fine :-p (although I made sure Kelly brought her cell phone "just in case"). But I did not have to call her, right Ethan?

Mom and Kelly were out for a couple of hours. In that span of time, I fed Ethan twice, burped him some, changed a nappy, put him to sleep, and consoled him when he woke up 49 minutes later, cranky, and hungry :-)

With beads of sweat manifesting on my forehead, and my cell phone with quick-dial to Kelly's phone just an arm's reach away, a key was inserted into the front door of the house - Mom and Kelly were home.

My son and I bonded in these two hours. I can say we have a greater appreciation for one another. Yup, male bonding. Awesome.

They're Grrrrrrreat!

Today has been a pretty quiet day. Night or day, doesn't really matter. Time simply revolves around Ethan's schedule :-)

I started my day out going to Sam's and buying a few grocery items. I had to go to Target to pick up a few things not sold at Sam's and I couldn't help picking up a cool Hallowe'en costume for Ethan. Can't reveal what it is (although the title to this blog entry should give a clue). Also it is not really Hallowe'en yet, so no pictures either. (but, yes, we dressed Ethan in the costume to see just how much cuteness he oozes in this thing).

Kelly and Mom also got out today and walked around the neighborhood. The temperature these days are now more consistently chillier than usual and the air is crisp and fall-like. I did manage to take this picture of Ethan sleeping in Kelly's arms while we were walking around.

This evening was Feast - Baha'i Nineteen-day-feast. It was good to see the friends again. Everyone was hoping to see Ethan. But only I went. Kelly, Mom and Ethan remained at home. It was my first NDF in a while. I missed the past 4 or 5 due to all the travelling in August for Kelly's job interviews, and then early in September because I had to attend a regional Baha'i conference in Nashville, and then of course most recently because of Ethan's birth. Still, the friends were just shining tonight, and something about the environment at Feast - multi-racial, multi-ethnic, cross-generational - that is like no other. Truly an embodiment of what Baha'is believe in - that humanity is one family.

Then later when I got back home, I ate (a late) dinner... which (not surprisingly)... was exactly what Ethan was in need of too... like father like son :-)

'Till tomorrow...

Declaration Party

[Back Row L-R: Diane, Kyle, Ali, Vesall, Isik; Front Row L-R: Sherlock, Miranda, Glen, Max]





Today, October 1st, our dear brother Ali Dal Cengiz declared his faith in Baha'u'llah. Glen and Isik Cotten, his spiritual parents, were tearfully joyous, on this most awesome occassion. Friends in attendance on this day - Sherlock, Diane, Kyle, Vesall, Miranda, Isik, Glen, Ali and I. Well, I hope all of your work, Ali, in His path, are confirmed with blessings upon blessings. Hey, I look forward to the completion of our book 1! :-p









Much love,
Max

Quiet Down Time :-)

I have been a father now for 9 days (coming on 10 days in about 4 hours and 28 minutes).. :-P And not a lot of quiet time during that span, I must say. Just now, with Ethan, Kelly and Mom asleep, it is allowing me for some quiet reflection. With everything that has gone on, not only to me, but in my community, to my friends, and to my family, one thing is certain - life is precious, unpredictable, and full of tests. (ok, so that was actually three things).

Looking into Ethan's big, dark gray-coloured eyes, I begin to envision all the various things I could teach him or activities I could do with him, what his world is going to look like, and how he is going to offer his services and help move humanity forward. A big task, no doubt, but every spiritually-minded person has, in his very core, this prime motivation - to make this world a place for peace, harmony and glad tidings for all the human race.

I recall what my own mom told me of the time I was born - she told me in quiet reflection (to baby Maxwell) that "we have a lot of work to do". And, indeed, this is as true now, as it was in my parents early days. To me, Ethan brings new hope, as I see in him an opportunity that God has given me to nurture a soul whose influence will hopefully touch many many hearts.

I find myself writing this blog entry in my home in Durham, NC.. and yet my family and Kelly's family are spread all over the globe. New Zealand, Israel, Canada, Singapore and Australia just doesn't seem all that far away with technology though, so this is good. But I write this, feeling that I no longer have a true sense of "home". My home has always been where my parents live. Now, more than 6 years removed from the place I grew up in Canada, I contemplate the measure of this word "home". Am I now to create this place for my wife and son?

This theme runs through my head often, and all the friends I have come to know over the years add to my human experience. I often think, my oldest, most close friends from my childhood, likely know very little of what truly means the most to me. Themes of spiritual import matter most to me these days, now in my late 20's, with the Baha'i Faith seemingly steadying the path of my life. I would eagerly take this opportunity to say something about the Baha'i Faith, but certainly we are all scholarly enough to Google it, research and make our own conclusions. But never the one to neglect making mention something Baha'i, I have to say that an ideology that brings about unity of all humankind, that teaches the importance of justice, the equality of women and men, that all religions are in fact from the same source (God!), and that our love for each other is supposed to be such that we are even as one SOUL - ok, can we say "Wow"?? Truly, highest ideals to live by is the Baha'i Faith. And one must not get downhearted as all have many shortcommings.

Argghhh... I mean "Yay" Ethan is up... time for his feeding ... precious, precious life.

To be continued...