Hungry Hungry Hippo

Well, since it is my "lunch break", and I am not actually eating anything (because I'm fasting), and since I can't find any other (better) time to sit down and write a blog entry these days, here goes one ...

(not claiming any responsibility for how this entry will make sense or not since blood/brain glucose levels are surely waaaay low ... not too mention tummy grubmling is quite the distraction!)

So for the last day of Ayyam-i-Ha and the first day of the Fast, Kelly, Ethan and I spent time with our friends the Teskes in Jasper. Bella and Adib were their usual playful selves but were also overcoming some sickness. Still, Ethan loved playing and chasing and interacting with his friends.

We went to a local park with a toddler playground (on sand, instead of the usual mulch). Adib and Bella had a bunch of toys to play in the sand with including a bucket, dump truck, shovels/spades and the like. Ethan enjoyed scooping sand and filling up the truck or the bucket or any other place actually. Needless to say his shoes were filled with the grainy stuff! :-D

Ethan is now 17 months old. (did I write an entry for this milestone? hmmm... I don't think I did!) Another time maybe. He still only has 8 teeth (4 up, 4 down) and according to a pediatric report that Kelly showed me once, Ethan has up to 19 months (old) before his first set of molars are to break through/come in. Of course all of this is relative, since we know of some babies who went their whole first year and more without a nubbin' in site. So the pearlies will just have to come in when they come in. It is not preventing Ethan from eating a whole lot, since he manages to break his solid foods well, albeit a bit slower than Kelly or I would like.

I have a bunch of picture to upload still.

Yesterday, our family attended a work conference in Atlanta. Never again! It was such hard work coordinating Ethan and the various sessions, not to mention the huge disruption to his "regular routine" which toddlers live on (where/when to heat his food, where/when to sleep, where to change diappies). I think we will take each investigator meeting from now on, separately, either Kelly or myself, the other staying home with Ethan. These conferences are simply not family-friendly.

OK, 12:30pm, and I've noticed a couple work emails have just come in. And my tummy has stopped grumbling (for now).

Pitter Patter

Today is a quiet day - a wet day outside. It is finally raining after having several days of unseasonably warm temperatures (mid 80s F), and with our lawn looking like a typical lawn coming out of the winter, the intense sun before a "wet season" was only adding to the dried, brown look. So, I am thrilled it is finally soaking up some, and hopefully the green will return.

And I cannot believe the Fast is almost over - just four more days to go! It hasn't been easy for me at all. Not that it ever is. Every year I struggle with the Fast. I can't help it. I love to eat. And my focus on the physical absence of daily sustenance probably negates any benefits I am supposed to receive spiritually for fasting in the first place.

I have to say, mornings are especially tough, and I can see how fasting draws your soul to a different plane. I've been quite down and sad or emotional lately, and the mornings only add to this mindset or feeling. With today being so gray, and last night my Dukies lost in the first round of the NCAA tournament for the first time since 1996, and Ethan being such a good boy (really, we are so blessed), and Kelly not around a lot (she was on call again last night - seems to occur way too often) I get overwhelmed with emotion.

I feel stuck.

And not that being a stay-at-home dad is not rewarding in itself. God is showering me with His favours every day, if only I humbly acknowledge this daily, and realize just how good I have it.

But I feel isolated no matter how many people tell me to go out and be with other adults and parents and their children... that it will not only benefit me, but Ethan would enjoy and gain so much being in the company of other children. I feel, however, very nervous to do so, not the least of which is because I feel I've only just got my bearings with his daily schedule.

If I am to ask any of my guy friends who have yet to experience fatherhood, I am sure the longing is there, but also a sense of fear of how they'd all handle it would be present I am sure. Oh, is this ever true. But once you have things down, you dare not stray too far from your routine, for fear you will do harm to your child.

Just last night, because it was a rather unusual day (we had a salesperson come to our house to demonstrate a Kirby vaccum cleaner -- not a planned visit I assure you) I forgot to take out enough breastmilk from the freezer to thaw. So I found myself at 4pm, with Ethan coming out of his afternoon nap, with no milk ready for him. Only solid blocks of expressed milk I had yet to do anything with.

It didn't take long, and Ethan was patient and just wanted to be carried by his daddy, but this "out of routine" only reinforced my trepidation in doing anything remotely outwith my daily plan.

So I am stuck.

If only Kelly's residency was over.

I can't believe how difficult it is being a spouse to someone who is away so much like this - I can't imagine how difficult it must be for Kelly being on her feet for so hours at a time, away from her noomie, having to lug around a breast pump and pump up to 9 times during one call shift!

So these days are not easy.

And with things like our house for sale hanging over our heads, the thought that Ethan will be without many options for growth and development in Blue Ridge, it can get a bit overwhelming at times.

I wonder some times how easy it would be if all of my old friends were around us during this time in our lives, and if our families lived close(r) to us.

Because of the weather outside it still feels like dawn time with just enough light breaking through the partially opened drapes decorating our windows.

And Ethan is contentedly babbling away in his swing.

Fast(ing) Forward

This past weekend we moved our clocks forward for Daylight Savings. George Bush seems to think it was necessary to change the date in which time is moved one hour forward, about two weeks earlier than usual. As a result, all of us conscientious souls fasting during this time have now to wait until 7:18pm for the sun to set to break the fast for the evening. Tomorrow, this will be 7:19pm, and by the last day of the fast (March 20th), sunset will be past 7:30pm I think. I guess on the brighter side, waking up to eat breakfast before the sun rises is not as early. Arrr... I guess it's just my hungry stomach talking right now...

Fasting - Day One

Boy am I hungry!

The first day of the fast is always so tough. I wasn't even fully aware of the time this morning, until Kelly, who had already been up to feed Ethan, and then to pump (breastmilk), called me to "get up!" I still had plenty of time until sunrise so I took advantage of another 10 minutes or so of sleep.

Kelly was not impressed, but I am just not a morning person, and I am not 100% healthy as well. I don't believe I am sick enough to excuse myself from fasting though, but I had already made up my mind that I was not going to have a huge breakfast. Instead, I ate a yoghurt (strawberry), banana and a Propel drink (Gatorade family of drinks). I said a prayer, and Kelly read a writing on the Fast, and she was off to work, while I headed back for my pillow.

I managed to get another hour or so in, before I was woken up by Ethan's "baby talk" he was making to himself, emanating from the baby monitor that was positioned close to my side of the bed.

Ethan had slept nearly 12 hours straight last night! It would have been longer but Kelly wanted to feed him a little bit before going to work. He's been sleepig more since, waking up to have his feed, playing with me a little, and then dozing off again.

Ethan also "spat up" a couple of times, and although this is not unusual and quite normal for babies actually, the volume he dispelled the first time was quite a bit more than he normally produces, and he did this a second time after his second feed, just before we went out for a brief walk around the neighborhood.

I don't think his milk is sitting well in his stomach and taken together with how much sleep he is wanting, I can only assume he is not feeling 100% also.

I am not too worried though, since he is drinking quite a bit, and so he is well hydrated. Plus, a lot of sleep never hurt anybody either :-)

Well this blog entry afforded me just enough time to not feel that hungry anymore... though just saying this, I could really do with a juicy burger right about now.

'Fast' Approaching

Today is the last day of Ayyam-i-Ha (sunset Feb 25th - sunset Mar 1st): a time when Baha'is prepare for the upcoming month of Fasting, give gifts to family and loved ones, and celebrate with friends and do acts of charity and service. This year has been a little overwhelming during this time, and so our family's Ayyam-i-Ha activities have been a bit limited. Last night, Kelly and I made Sholezard (a yellow-colored Persian rice pudding which contains sugar, saffron, cardamon, almonds, rose water and garnished with cinammon and pistachios) which we hope to deliver to 8 neighbors/households/families in our street who have been very loving and thoughtful and provided meals and gifts for Ethan when we he was born.

We don't do a whole lot in our own neighborhood - as a family unit that is (myself I do some) - and with us moving this summer it only felt right to give thanks and celebrate this year's Ayyam-i-Ha by giving back to these lovely souls.

We also wrote cards describing a little what this time of the year means to Baha'is (similar to what I wrote in the first paragraph of this blog entry).

Having said that, the Fast starts tomorrow! And every year, I feel the month of Fasting approaches faster and faster (pardon the pun.. and pun) or that I am less prepared year after year. So much for preparation for the Fast during Ayyam-i-Ha, eh?

This mean, tonight, I must go to Sam's and buy my usual breakfast itmes: sausage links, egg, milk, yoghurt, and that's probably all. A good healthy breakfast - or at the very least a hearty one - is the only way to get through the daylight hours (sunrise to sunset) without eating OR DRINKING. Undoubtedly, as is the case for me, I forget out of habit that I am fasting and do at times slip and sip some water. Usually this happens in the first day or two of fasting. My body adapts fairly quickly thereafter.

It doesn't help however that I am falling sick with a cold (as of a couple nights ago, but last night was the worst). Nevertheless, there are several exceptions (or exemptions??) to the Baha'i Fast. You do not fast if you are: a pregnant/nursing woman, under the age of 15 (age of 'maturity'), sick, travelling long distances (9 hours or longer?), etc.. etc..

Baha'i "months" are 19 days long (and there are 19 of them during one year), totalling 361 days, plus the 4 (or 5 during leap year) for Ayyam-i-Ha makes up the full calendar days. So, the month of Fasting starts sunrise on March 2nd and ends sunset on March 20th.

March 21st is Naw Ruz (or nawrooz) which is the Persian/Baha'i New Year - coinciding with the start of Spring!

So HAPPY FASTING everyone!

Love to all.
Max